


Samsara

by Littorella



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Buddhism, Canon Compliant, M/M, Reincarnation, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-02 05:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15790143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littorella/pseuds/Littorella
Summary: Viktor and Yuuri meet six times through the Buddhist realms before being born as a pair of figure skaters. Like learning anything difficult, choosing love as a path to enlightenment takes multiple tries to get right. A different kind of soulmate story.





	Samsara

**Author's Note:**

> A thousand thanks to [Addy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrianna99) and [Basia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/belovedstill/pseuds/belovedyuuri) for beta reading.

__

_“Yuuri, do you ever have the feeling this is familiar, like we have met before?”_

_“Maybe we have, in a previous life.”_

 

**  
1\. Manusya, human**

 

It was a merciful morning, chilly and gleaming with spring sun, when Yuuri first laid eyes on Viktor through the thick, living wall of bamboo surrounding the monastery.

He'd stalled far short of the gate, hesitant and full of doubt. Suddenly anxious about his decision to leave home, Yuuri gripped his threadbare bag with shaking hands and doubled over from the pounding of his runaway heart. What if, couldn't have, shouldn't have, it all raced through his mind in circles. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe. But roving patterns clouded his eyelids and he had to blink them open to stop fixating on the itch flowing through his veins.

It was then that he caught a glimpse of the man who would become his world, someone to instantly quiet the rage of his self-doubt. His wandering eyes caught sight of something captivating through the bamboo. Viktor stood in the stone-paved courtyard feeding a flock of sparrows, a knowing smile playing as he glanced at the creatures flitting around him. With every spray of seed, they hovered around him, like celestial bodies around a star.

It was other-worldly to behold, a sight that felt stolen with Yuuri's mortal eyes.

As Yuuri watched the careful grace of the stranger's wrist reaching for the birds, he forgot all his worries. The man was dressed in simple tan robes designed to give all the monastery's inhabitants a mask of sameness, but Yuuri could sense his singular being. He felt as if he could pick this man out of a crowd blindfolded through the echo of his presence alone. It was a sign from above. Yuuri straightened himself and entered the monastery without looking back.

The first thing he did upon entering was to ask for the stranger's name. Viktor, he repeated under his breath, trying out the edges and tones.

Perhaps it was coincidence, but it read to him as divine inspiration that Viktor was the one assigned to teach him the Dharma. Yuuri smiled secretly all the way through his first days, careful to keep his excitement from seeping through the lines that crease around his eyes as Viktor cut his hair, dressed him in mirroring faded robes, taught him the words of the Heart Sutra and the noble path to Nirvana with exceeding patience.

_Form is emptiness, emptiness is form…_

"Samsara is the cycle of life we are born into again and again. We are trapped in the cycle by our selfish desires."

Yuuri did not want to be a difficult student but he sometimes couldn't help himself. "But why are we trapped? Isn't it good to live again after death?"

Viktor gave him a wry smile and answered, "It is no good to live in a world full of suffering, and there is suffering no matter which realm you are born into."

"But I am not suffering now," Yuuri shot back before instantly feeling ashamed at how petulant it came out. He dropped his gaze and felt his ears begin to grow hot. "I'm sorry, Viktor."

His teacher shook his head and continued, "It is quite alright to ask questions. Just because you do not suffer does not mean there is not suffering in your future, or that there is not suffering in the world you do not witness."

Hesitantly, Yuuri glanced back up to Viktor's kind eyes silently. He drank in the details of blue shot with gold and tried to not let his desires betray too much on his face. "Please continue. Please tell me about Samsara again," he beckoned. Anything to prolong their time together.

Viktor took the smallest of pauses, as if he was reading something between them, before speaking again, "Alright then. First, there is the realm of Devas, the gods. Then the Asura, the demi-gods who are prone to war, jealousy, and dying in violent ways. Then Manusya, our world. Next are the unfortunate births for those who have collected bad karma. Tiryag, the animals, Preta, the ghosts, and Naraka, hell."

The sound of his voice was like music, wrapping around Yuuri, tying around his breath and his heart. He fixed his eyes on the way Viktor's lips moved as the dharma spilled from them. It was beautiful like everything he did.

Upon seeing Yuuri's eyes wandering and unfocused, Viktor tilted his head and asked, "Yuuri, are you listening?"

Yuuri snapped out of his daydream and felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment again at having been caught staring. As hard as he tried to keep his mind on the Buddha's teachings, it always trailed back to the man in front of him. The gleam of pale skin when his robe exposed his wrists, his generous smiles-Yuuri's mind drifted helplessly. Lesson was infuriating to sit through, but he could think of nothing more he'd want to do.

Every morning, he woke eager to be in the company of inexplicable beauty. He blushed when Viktor mocked his lack of self-control. He stared greedily when kind blue eyes crescented into a smile. He hung onto every word from his teacher's lips like a dying man after water.

"Why did you leave home?" Yuuri finally worked up the nerve to ask during a morning walk, after many weeks. He'd heard only rumors about the foreigner who had mysteriously appeared one day. No one could speak to his origins, or why he'd chosen this life.

Viktor stared into the distance and remained quiet. He turned over his prayer beads in his hand wordlessly. They strolled down the path around the monastery in silence.

"I have told you why I left home. Will you not tell me?" Yuuri pressed when it became apparent he was not going to receive an answer.

"I-I had many things, and none of them brought me joy," Viktor finally replied in cryptic vagueness and continued walking. "This should not be of interest to you."

Frowning, Yuuri reached for his hand, catching his fingers in the beads. Viktor stopped mid-stride, shocked by the contact of their hands together. His eyes were wide with an unreadable emotion as he moved to extract his hand from Yuuri's. Feeling bold, Yuuri took a step closer and entwined his teacher's fingers in his own to prevent Viktor from pulling away.

"It is of interest to me. I want to know everything about you," he confessed.

A flash of anger passed across Viktor's face when he processed Yuuri's words. Not exactly the response he had been looking for.

He jerked his hand away and reprimanded, "You forget what I have taught you. To want is to seek the trappings of Tanha. Desire leads to possession, possession leads to loss, and loss leads to suffering. That is not how we live here. You should know better, Yuuri."

Yuuri waffled at the suddenly harsh tone and wrung his hands, not knowing how to respond. His eyes darted from his feet to a rock on the path and back again as he nervously began to stammer out, "But I don't understand. How can I stop wanting if it's all I feel? Do you feel nothing?"

Viktor drew in a sharp breath before holding up his left hand in prayer to quiet his heart. "Form is emptiness, emptiness is form…"

"Viktor, please..."

He continued to recite, silvery lashes covering his downcast eyes. " _the same is true for feelings, perceptions, volitions..._ "

"Please say something," Yuuri begged.

Again, ignored. " _...and consciousness. Sariputra, the characteristics.._."

Frustrated, Yuuri huffed a spiteful breath and turned sharply to make his way toward to the monastery. If he had looked back, he would have seen the conflicted longing in the other man's eyes trailing after him.

For several days, Viktor avoided Yuuri, leaving the monastery before he woke and returning after he went to sleep. The others began to joke that it was a notable feat to have used up Viktor's seemingly infinite well of patience. On the seventh day, Yuuri sat on the stone steps by the monastery gate and waited far into the night in an attempt to catch Viktor as he returned.

The moon moved in an arc overhead as the hours passed from twilight into deep night. Sometime in between, Yuuri fell asleep leaning back against the pillar of the gate. When he woke, he felt a hand on his shoulder and warm fabric enclosing him.

"Yuuri, go inside. You will catch a cold out here," Viktor said as he prodded him gently.

Blinking sleep back, Yuuri replied with a groggy slur. "No, I'm waiting for someone."

"And who are you waiting for?"

More awake now, Yuuri shook his head and squinted to see his companion by the dim light of a single lantern nearby. He pulled the warm fabric of Viktor's coat around him and murmured sheepishly, "You."

Viktor laughed as he pulled Yuuri to his feet and guided him toward the gate. "Well, it appears you have accomplished that. Now get to sleep."

"Not yet," Yuuri protested, refusing to be pushed forward by guiding hands. "I want to talk to you, and there's no privacy in there."

A tense pause settled in before Viktor finally said with deliberation, "There is nothing you have to say to me that you cannot say in there."

Yuuri knew this was the moment. There were many times when he had felt like he'd been the edge like this, when he could choose to open the door or close it. He'd always chosen wrong, but now this time. If he did not speak now, Viktor would never let him have the chance again. Words rushed from his mouth like falling water, "You say the Buddha teaches that desire is the root of all suffering. But-but, I don't-" he stammered over the next bit, "But what if he was wrong? What if there are other means of reaching enlightenment? I don't know what to call it, but I know I feel it when I am near you. From the minute I met you I have known it. It feels more real to me than any noble path."

"No, Yuuri, no good can come of this-"

"Viktor, you-" he bit his lip trying to think of the right way to describe it, "You make me want to be better. Being with you gives me far more than reciting sutras or any amount of study does. So how can that be the source of any suffering?"

"Yuuri,  _stop_ -" Viktor pleaded, his hands shaking.

At this second request, he fell silent and searched Viktor's face for his reply. He saw clearly the unshielded yearning that betrayed desire despite his words. Without hesitation, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Viktor's. Soft and tentative, the contact of their kiss felt of ascension, lighter and more tangible than any meditation.

Viktor broke away first, eyes wild with doubt in the dim lamplight. He drew in a long breath before enveloping Yuuri in a hesitant embrace. Letting out a content sigh, Yuuri clung to him, savoring the feeling of an elusive desire in his arms at last. He'd never wanted more of something in his life.

"We'll discuss it tomorrow. Go to sleep, Yuuri."

And so they parted for the evening with lingering reluctance.

When Yuuri woke a mere few hours after falling asleep, he rushed to the courtyard where Viktor spent mornings with his texts. There was no one there. He ran to the room where Viktor slept and found it entirely bare. When he discovered the object of his affection had left without a word, Yuuri fell to the ground and clutched at his chest. He understood. This was the suffering that desire caused.

But he was determined. This life or next, he would find Viktor. It didn't matter if he was unenlightened and could not walk the noble path; he would chase through every layer of Samsara and more if needed.

 

 

**2\. Naraka, the beings of hell**

 

In hell, there are boundary points where the worlds joined. The realm of ice and the realm of fire stood adjacent to each other and this place was where Viktor found himself spending most of his days. The boundary was a sharp screen of light, cutting between the freezing cold and burning flames. In the desolate suffering of hell, he had only found one other being. That being was Yuuri, trapped in fire and entirely unreachable with anything but words.

He'd never seen Yuuri as more than a shadowy form through the wall of light, and he was desperate to catch a real glimpse of the voice that laughed at his jokes and confided fears to him.

"Yuuri," he called across the boundary, "I want to try something today."

A figure waved from the other side and spoke back, "I hope it is better than your idea yesterday."

Viktor laughed and shrugged, "Maybe better, maybe worse. But look what I've found." He sat down with crossed legs and presented two mirror-like glass panes on the ground to Yuuri.

Yuuri knelt down and squinted to try to make out anything more than shadows. "What is it?"

"I don't know, but I found them far in the ice fields. They must have fallen from the realm above," Viktor said excitedly, "They seem to reflect the boundary."

He held one of the panes up into the boundary light and waved it slowly. It left a trailing path of dusty emptiness behind, as though there was water diluting ink. The audible gasp from the other side tickled his chest. He was sure this would work.

"I need you to help me hold them up," he said as he held the knee-high pane upright and slid it across the boundary. When he felt Yuuri's hold on it steadying the glass, he added, "Push it down into the ground."

They both pressed the glass into the ground with all their strength until it could reasonably stand upright. "Ok, now the second one."

Viktor picked up the other pane and turned the reflective side away from the other mirror before sliding across the boundary in a similar fashion. They pushed this one into the ground as well and stood back to watch as the boundary began to fade between the mirrors, light reflected away. Viktor rushed to his knees as the brightness cleared in the tiny window they made and saw the shadow on the other side doing the same.

His breath caught in his throat as he saw Yuuri clearly for the first time. Unlike the icy blue crystal of his own form, Yuuri was made of fire, with embers for eyes. Like a burning phoenix, he glowed with energy.

"Yuuri-" he tried to search for words but found nothing.

"You're astonishing," Yuuri said for him, "but I think I always knew that."

Overcome with joy, Viktor smiled and reached forward through the gap in the boundary, eager to touch the beauty he had unveiled. Yuuri did the same, holding his hand out to meet Viktor. A sick hiss of steam followed by unimaginable pain radiated through his hand when they touched. Flinching back, Viktor held his hand and saw that the flames had melted a layer of his icy form away. Yuuri mirrored him, holding his own injured hand with shock.

They stared at each other in dismay.

To see but to never touch. To know but never have. The pain of the realization was far worse than the physical sting of their hands. It was almost better to have never seen at all. The hurt went straight to Viktor's core.

Yuuri was the first to break the silence. "It's okay. We'll try something better tomorrow."

Viktor's eyes flashed with anger and he replied bitterly, "No, it's not okay. I understand what this is. It's divine punishment, Yuuri. I don't know what we did in our previous lives, but it must have been horrific. I guess that's why they call this hell."

"Viktor, don't be so…" Yuuri couldn't finish his sentence before Viktor rose and walked away, afraid of what he would say if he stayed.

He walked through the barren ice for what seemed like eons, until he came upon a rock. Sitting down on the rock, he held his head in his hands. Freezing wind howled against him, slowly recrystallizing the injury of his hand. As he shed quiet tears, a small raspy voice whispered in his ear, "I can help you."

Startled, he whipped his head around to see who had spoken. There was no one in sight.

"Where are you?" he inquired, still searching.

"Above," the little voice said.

When he looked up, he saw a single black dot seemingly floating in the air. It descended when he reached a hand out upward and landed on the edge of his palm. A spider.

"Who are you?"

"Ah, it matters little who I am," the spider replied, "You were kind to me in a previous life so I am here to offer you a gift."

"A gift?" He furrowed his brow. What could a mere dot of an insect offer in the expanses of hell?

The spider scuttled to the tip of his index finger and said, "I can spin a single thread through all the other realms, upward all the way out of Samsara for you."

"So I will never be born again?"

"Yes."

Viktor looked at the tiny creature with a curious expression. "You say you can create a thread that will hold across realms."

"I thought that much was clear," the spider retorted, tapping its pin-like legs impatiently.

"Can I take someone with me?" The scheming gears in his head were beginning to turn.

"No, this gift is for you alone. You alone were kind to me. If you try to cheat, it will break, and you will both tumble back down to hell."

This answer caused his shoulders to slump. He tried to reason with himself, but he knew he'd decided already. The offer was tempting, but he could not leave Yuuri behind. Especially if it meant they would never meet again, never touch, in any life.

"Thank you for the gift, spider," he began, "but can you do something else for me instead?"

The spider made a turn on his finger and replied with incredulous disbelief, "You don't want to get out of hell?"

Viktor gave a light laugh and shook his head.

"Then what do you want?"

"Can you spin a line from me to another? I want you to tie us together so we can find each other in all our lives to come."

Crawling down the ring finger of his right hand, the spider tracked a circle and began to spin a gleaming strand of silk.

 

 

**3\. Tiryag, the animals**

 

A pair of dogs wandered the streets, their nails making small taps on the cobblestone as they roamed from building to building.

They were the type of unidentifiable dogs that looked like every breed and, at the same time, no breed in particular; one dark like the night, the other gray like the moon. Upon encountering the end of the block, the gray dog jumped up the stoop and disappeared into a door. His companion stayed outside, watching with curious eyes as he reappeared in a window above.

A woman patted the silvery dog on the head inside the window before they both vanishing from view. His companion scratched the thick, dark fur behind his ear with a foot and settle on his hind legs to wait. Minutes passed into hours as he patiently waited.

A pack of street hounds ran past him, a blur of brown streaks down the street. They barked with delight, relishing the dusk summer air on their outstretched tongues. The dog looked after them, seemingly considering their freedom and ease, the joy he could have if only he ran after and joined. He then flipped his gaze up and stared at the window.

He barked upward, asking for entry to no avail.

Back and forth, he looked, considering the two choices, occasionally standing up and walking a circle as though he were preparing to depart.

He finally gave the street one long look before folding down and resting his head on his front paws. His eyes flickered upward to the window again as he settled.

Each time a motion rushed past: a carriage, a cart, another creature, his eyes tracked their departure into the horizon's infinite line with interest. The gleam of the setting sun's glare was blinding in his eyes. But he faithfully remained on the stoop, waiting, waiting until resentment welled up inside. Yet he still waited.

 

 

**4\. Deva, the gods**

 

Viktor sat cross-legged on the wooden veranda of his house, a floating thing of beauty he and Yuuri had built together countless years ago on this calm stretch water in the mountains. He summoned his cup of tea from across the floor with a flick of his wrist.

His weary eyes gazed out at the lake's banks, noting the way the floating house drifted in a lazy rotation faster than usual. In the time they had inhabited it, the forest had grown, leaning into the water, seeking the presence of the two gods who had settled into their midst. The trees seemed to recoil today, the lake was uneasy; perhaps it was a response to the cruelty he tried so hard to hide.

It couldn't be helped, he reasoned.

A large carp jumped in the water, causing a cascading ripple. Viktor reached down into the water and beckoned the fish to him. Drawn to his power, the fish swam over without pause. Hooking a finger into the carp's mouth, Viktor pulled it out of the water as it flailed helplessly. He whispered a small word of apology then held his hand over the fish's gills and closed his eyes in concentration.

Like thick, viscous blood, a silvery light flowed from the fish's mouth into the cup of tea beside him. When the metta and life of the poor creature were drained, he quickly threw it back into the water to conceal the evidence of his treachery. Surely it would have a better birth in the next life. He wiped his hands dry on his robes and wondered how long he could keep doing this. How long before their lake was covered in the floating dead.

The world was circular, spring summer fall winter, round and round again. But they were linear, he and Yuuri, born to the world in a gust of wind, meant to return the same way. Even gods grew weary and died. And unfortunately, Yuuri was nearing his time. The desire for more time consumed Viktor, eating at him like vicious acid. There had to be an answer that could allow them to continue.

A rustling sound behind him broke his thoughts. His beloved was finally awake.

"Good morning, Yuuri," he turned and said with the widest smile he could muster against such somber thoughts.

Yuuri grunted something unintelligible as he staggered out and crumpled beside Viktor, leaning against him to stay upright. His dark eyes were closed as though he could not bear spending the energy to keep them open.

"How are you feeling today?"

Yuuri sighed with a resentful edge, "I am disappearing."

"Ah," Viktor whispered, breath heavy with worry, "Here, drink some tea."

He pressed the cup of tea containing the stolen life into Yuuri's chilly hands. Ignorant of the crime it contained, he drank it without question. The liquid felt warm in a way that he could not explain.

"You always know how to make me feel better," he murmured into Viktor's collar.

All the living things Viktor had killed weighed in his heart like stones, but he could carry infinite weight if needed. He'd rip all the beauty out of the world if only it would prolong their borrowed time together. If Yuuri was not alive, the world was not alive. He placed a soft kiss on Yuuri's temple and said nothing.

"I want to say something, and I want you to listen without interrupting," Yuuri stated seriously as he sat up with his own strength, "I don't think I will be here through fall."

"Yuuri-"

"I said to not interrupt," he chided with affection, "I want you to promise me you will do nothing that would sully my memory."

He couldn't help interrupting, "Yuuri, I will find a way. I can fix-"

"Don't," Yuuri commanded as he squeezed Viktor's hand. "You know we shouldn't want permanence. It is the order of things to have beginnings and endings. We have been lucky to have had a lifetime already."

It's not enough, Viktor wanted to blurt out but stopped as to not upset Yuuri.  _I'm afraid to be without you._

Yuuri gazed out at the water and added, "Maybe we will be reborn as fish and swim together in this lake."

"Maybe," Viktor echoed with a forced smile. He could taste nothing but bitterness on his tongue. In punishment for what he'd done, what he will continue to do, he would most certainly have a birth far more unfortunate than a fish.

 

 

**5\. Asura, the demi-gods**

 

Yuuri felt his insides knot together with rising irritation as he watched a scene from his window. His eyes were glued to two figures having a conversation in the lantern-lit street below, flicking back and forth between them, catching the smallest of gestures. A nod of the head that read as flirtatious, a lean forward that felt like betrayal. His mind raced.

There was a reason the asura never lived long. The jealousy filling his lungs was enough to suffocate him.

When the conversation ended, he quickly darted from the window and toward the door in anticipation. When the door opened, he grabbed Viktor by the fabric of his collar and pushed him roughly against the wall.

"Yuuri!" Viktor gasped in surprise.

With livid eyes, Yuuri hissed, "What did he say to you?"

"Nothing, just a hello. He was passing by and wanted to say hello. You're overreacting." He clawed at the hands pressing him into the wall.

"Don't tell me that. I see the way he looked at you, Viktor," Yuuri continued, not at all reassured, "The way he tried to touch you."

Without warning, he crushed his lips against Viktor's, a demanding message to remind him who  _really_  owned his affections. Viktor made a surprised noise before returning his kiss with an equally possessive dart of his tongue. He sighed as a hand tangled in his hand and pulled him down for more.

Gasping for air, he murmured against Yuuri's lips, "You know I'm yours."

The sound of such confession brought a vicious smile to Yuuri's face. He pulled his beloved toward the bedroom and locked the door behind them. Pushing Viktor down on the bed, he leaned over and whispered in his ear, "I know. But I can't bear to see others look at you, knowing they want you."

He rose and knocked over the lit candles by the bedside to the rug-covered floor. Their tiny flames began to ignite the fibers in a crackling fury.

"Yuuri, what are you-"

He bent down and silenced the question with another fierce kiss. "They're not allowed to look. You're mine alone."

Fire grew from embers to flames, dancing higher with every second. Yuuri ran a hand along Viktor's brow, causing his eyes to close in response. Intense jealousy fueled his delirium. He would burn them both alive before letting another look at Viktor like that again. The desire was so apparent it consumed him like a disease, and he could no longer take it.

"Don't take your eyes off me."

He wanted more and more. It was never enough.

 

 

**6\. Preta, the hungry ghosts**

 

Surrounded by a sea of food, but with no ability to eat, two ghosts strolled miserably through an open-air market, watching the humans.

"What do you think that tastes like?" one of them asked as he pointed to a woman bringing a pastry to her lips.

The other ghost looked on with longing and replied, "It must be like heaven."

They walked past the delicious scents of baked goods to survey a stand selling meat pies. It was torture to behold so many unreachable delights while feeling insatiable hunger. But such was their existence.

"Why do you come here? You can stay in your realm and not have to feel this hunger."

"I could say the same for you."

The first ghost's gray form colored lightly as he began to stammer incoherently. He balled his hands into fists before finally saying, "I can bear it if you are here."

The second ghost laughed and took one of his hands. "I guess that makes two of us. I would suffer a thousand years of hunger to be by your side." He paused a bit before adding with a smirk, "You could say it is in our nature to want to be miserable."

"And misery loves company." the first ghost grinned as he pulled his other half down the street.

 

 

**7\. Manusya, human again**

 

"Yuuri," Viktor murmured as he rolled over in bed and threw an arm around his partner, "I can't fall asleep. Tell me about Samsara again."

It was dark in the bedroom save for minor gleams of moonlight and Yuuri's screen as he grabbed his phone to check the time. He could make out the sloping features of Yuuri's face as he wrinkled his brow in protest. "But I'm tired. You signed me up for ice time too early this morning. Such an inconsiderate coach, Viktor."

Drawing the sheets close, Viktor stared and begged with the drawing out of his words. "I promise to not do that next week. I want to hear your voice. Tell me about all the interesting things you learned in college. It helps me sleep."

"Fine," Yuuri sighed as he turned to face Viktor with mock impatience. One look at the earnest joy in his moonlit blue eyes washed away any true irritation. He would run to the end of the earth, reciting as much Buddhist dharma as he could, if only Viktor asked.

"Samsara is the cycle of life we are born into again and again. We are trapped in the cycle by our selfish desires. First, there is the realm of Devas, the gods. Then the Asura, the demi-gods who are prone to war and jealousy. Then there is our world. Next are the unfortunate births for those with bad karma. Tiryag, the animals, Preta, the ghosts, and Naraka, hell. Depending on how you well you've lived this life, you will be born into another realm your next life."

Viktor couldn't help but offer, "And I will meet my Yuuri again in the next life?"

Yuuri laughed lightly at his interruption before yawning. "It is just an old religion, Viktor. Don't take it so seriously."

"But I feel like I was always meant to find you, and I really like the idea of meeting you again."

"Well, we won't meet again if we live this one right. If we can let things go, we'll attain enlightenment and never be born again."

When Viktor scowled at the thought of not reuniting, Yuuri placed a hand on his cheek to reassure him. Tucking a stray silver strand behind Viktor's ear, he explained, slow and patient, "It's not like that. It's better than another life. There is no suffering, no aches, and no pains. We can be the same nothingness there, just together without the weight of material things like bodies. Like...like two separate candle flames that become a single fire."

"Ah, that sounds beautiful. How do we actually get there?" Viktor asked.

"You live without wanting anything more than what you have."

"Mmm, I think I can manage that. I want to skate this idea. Remind me of it tomorrow when we're on the ice. I want to have this enlightenment with you," Viktor replied with a content smile. Burying his face deeper into the pillow, he closed his eyes as though he could somehow see the metaphysical and unknowable.

Yuuri drank in the sight and felt his heart shutter and shake. This alone was enough. If the world ended tomorrow, he would be satisfied. This thing he could only call love was an outpouring of everything good, revealing strength and wisdom inside them he hadn't even known could exist. It made them better, mindful in ways they could not be apart. Their love made all desires and fears seem petty in comparison, diminishing the very covetous nature of being human.

Yes, their time was impermanent, but he didn't care. Just having even a single perfect day was enough. It was useless to speculate if the dharma was truth or just an intricate story, but Yuuri couldn't help but want to believe. At this moment, it felt like he was privy to some great secret the universe only whispered at an unhearable frequency. Running a finger along the line of Viktor's jaw, he closed his eyes and felt himself dissolving.

He wanted absolutely nothing more. He had everything already.

Yuuri grasped Viktor's hand and placed a kiss on his ring.

"Then that's where we'll go."

 

* * *

 

**Author's Notes:**

I hope you liked this interpretation of soulmates. I've always thought it was too easy to just know who your soulmate is through a mark or some magical reveal. Part of the difficulty and reward of love is the uncertainty of choosing someone so I wanted Viktor and Yuuri to consciously pick each other rather than be divined as soulmates. Nothing can tell you it's love, you just have to know. [Come chat on tumblr](https://littorella.tumblr.com)!

 

**Footnotes:**

1\. Buddhist thought discussed in this story borrows from the Mahayana branch. I took a lot of liberties so what is in this story is by no means 100% accurate. An introduction to Samsara can be found [here](https://personal.carthage.edu/jlochtefeld/buddhism/wheeloflife/sixrealms.html).

2\. The heart sutra is a very popular scripture and one of the shortest and oldest, usually one of the first to be taught. [Full text here](http://path.homestead.com/heartsutra.html)

3\. The floating house of the Devas is from the beautiful Korean Buddhist film _[Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...and Spring](http://www.tasteofcinema.com/2017/6-reasons-why-spring-summer-fall-winter-and-spring-is-a-modern-masterpiece-of-south-korean-cinema/)._


End file.
